Being in the hospital with cancer at 5 years old was very difficult to understand, but then again it would be hard for any 5 year old to understand what’s really going on. I was pretty much raised in the hospital, the hospital was home having medical issues from the ages 5-16 and still going through some PTSD. Come to figure out I needed all of it to find myself I have spent a lot of time alone and in my own head being isolated from “normal people” while in a hospital bed. Around 11 years old was when the repercussions were realized. The things that happen to me were starting to be realized such as my friends passing on, the permanent side effects are of my meds. The things I wasn’t able to do like sports. A overwhelming wave of depression hit me even after I was done with my medical journey I still isolated myself from people. Still thinking of what has happened to me trying to deny it just made it worse I dropped out of highschool because it just didn’t matter to me. My thinking was more important.
Thinking eventually leads tosolution and the solution was to realize my past is who I am. Replaying my past over and over again until I realized it was all I had that meant anything to me the only thing that as given me real purpose. To truly find yourself is to be alone and analyze who you analyze everything you have been through. To find yourself you have too study yourself to come up with the correct answer for who you really are. Most people go through life with out the pleasure of knowing who they really are, I hope you find yourself soon and I hope this gives you direction to finding yourself.