The Reality Of Childhood Cancer

Writing for a little while I never actually had a topic. I always wrote what was on my mind to get my feelings on paper in any moment I needed. Recently I’ve had a friend pass from cancer he was 16, I had DJ’ed his research benefit for his parents. His father gave a speech on how only four percent of hundred percent is the amount of chemo researched for kids the rest is adults. Child cancer patients are pumped with chemo specificity developed for adults and most kids don’t make it because their bodies are not the same as a adults would be. The four percent is the chance of childhood cancer patients have of living.

We all have the opportunity to fix this four percent but people are not aware of how many kids are diagnosed with cancer, they are unaware of the lives cancer takes from these kids. So my mission is clear to me now, as a thirteen year cancer survivor and having known the pain cancer brings to the table I dedicate myself to these kids and their stories. With the reality of childhood cancer confronted by toddlers, kids and teens they need to be recognized for the things they lose and the things they go through on a daily basis. Soon everyone will be fully aware of this reality for childhood cancer patients.

The one thing i want to do in life is help people when they feel lost in life. When people feel scared of something they are not sure of or what is to come, I truly love people very deeply. I believe that each and every person is amazing but….There is a problem when I try to help people. They always take it the wrong way, I have the best intentions towards people but when I try the always get the idea that i’m trying to put them down and make fun or not take them seriously, it breaks my heart because I really do try to help as much as I can. People just don’t see it and I believe my purpose in life is too help people through whatever it is they need help with when they need it most. I try to be the person I didn’t have while going through my hard times in my life.

I cannot stop trying though because people are the only thing I hold valuable and even if they don’t see me trying to help, I won’t ever give up on people. It’s the only thing that gives me positive purpose in life and it is what I must achieve to truly be satisfied with my life.  The only thing I know deep in my heart I want and need to do even if they don’t see my efforts I have no choice but to try harder until they do. That’s the day my life’s purpose will be fulfilled and I can leave this earth knowing I did what I set out to do and that is to help you.

Cancer Patients Are Soldiers Too

Cancer patients are soldiers too. We ship out to an unknown foreign place which is a hospital. We shave our heads we prepare for battle with Ivs as our guns and chemo as our ammunition. We fight for not only for our lives but for everybody at home waiting for our arrival. We lose our best friends who are also comrades in this war for survival. Forcingly moving on while we are still here fighting this enemy. We have no choice but to keep moving but also we keep moving for those we have lost. It can sometimes drive us crazy being stuck in a place where people are sure to pass away. We are stuck in a reality that is unbelievably terrifying but we know, even in a reality like this there is a special kind of bond with the ones we know and have known and the ones we will come to know in this life. A loss is still a victory and a victory requires loss.

We suffer from sleepless nights we suffer from PTSD. We cry wishing our friends were still here and at the same time asking why we’re still here. Almost driving ourselves crazy because we have questions without any possible answers. Our brains sometimes feel so over loaded due to the multiple “what ifs” “what if I didn’t have cancer”. It’s something we know the answer to at times but at other times it’s confusing. Nonetheless we are soldiers too, we fight just like real soldiers.

Why We Survived Cancer

This weekend I was reunited with the camp/organization CAMP QUALITY, that specializes in kids with cancer and other medical problems. I went to this camp as a kid until my medical issues had elevated to a level to which I could not attend anymore. The last time I saw them was when I was about 9 years old, I am now 19. I Dj’ed their event last weekend in McKinney, Tx. I was able to see old friends and meet new ones. One special new friend, which is a LONG time cancer survivor. She was dignosed with A.M.L (Acute Myloid Leukemia) back in 1985. She has a beautiful family, a husband and an AMAZING little girl. I haven’t been around a cancer survivor in a very long time. Meeting them made me realize why I’m still here on this earth and why I survived cancer and everything else. I was reminded what my life represents not just my life but all cancer survivors. It was a reminder to this world that miracles still exist, that God exist. This world today needs miracles, people need to be reminded that HOPE & FAITH still exist. That its well, alive and thriving. So many of us have Survived. But in many so many ways have lost to cancer. We have lost months & years of our lives, also friends & families. Surviving cancer is a gift and a curse in my eyes because everyone who has been through this has a X factor on the views on life which only some can ever understand. The curse is the trauma we cope with, somtimes its unbearable and its kinda why I started this blog to get my thoughts out and to share. Our minds are on overload everyday and its exhausting but at the end of the day its always a gift. We survived and surviving takes sacrifice and alot of it. In the end we are blessed to have our lives even after the doctors told us there was not a chance of us living…But against all odds, we ARE Surviving!

Purpose

We are all put on thia earth with a purpose. Put on the earth by God or by a force of nature. Whatever it is that spawned us on this earth spawned us with a purpose. It is up to us to find that purpose. Its hard to find the purpse when the world we live in is so corrpted and quick to tell you that you dont belong or you dont matter without any repurcussions, but in reality they do not realize what they are doing to people and they do not realize what they do to them selfs. People are just as insecure as you are. Everyone is insecure about something but society has people afraid to show any kind of emotion becuase they are taught that showing any emotion is a weakness. Emotion leads to passion, passion leads to purpose.

sorry

Sorry I haven’t been posting guys I have been really busy with work and other stuff i’m going to try to post more on here!

The Lone Cancer Survivor.

Fighting cancer with you by my side we were so young Then cancer took you from me. I miss you every night and I cry about it Why couldn’t have been me or why it didn’t take me too? It sucks because I sit and wonder how it would be still talking to you In the end I know god really took you but it hurts I just want you here with me. Nobody understands me or the things I do. Maybe you would give me some clarity on why I do the things I do.I miss you so much and I all I have is pictures of you and me sitting in a closet. I feel so helpless missing you I’m so confused on life sometimes because of what we both went through and I’m the only one left I know I’m supposed to live for you but sometimes it’s so hard…I miss you so much…

Both Sides

Growing up with cancer and medical issues since I was 5 wasn’t the easiest for me. Having all these surgeries and all the scars added one by one turned out to be traumatic for me. Everyone would tell me I was a warrior through all of the cancer and so on. It started to make a little sense to me why I would still keep my spirits up and continue positively because I was a warrior looking back now I know for sure I was a warrior, I was a knight, I was the victor over everything bad tha had inhabited my body. The reasons I fought so hard to be here today was my life, my family, and my future true meanings. I fought for my life until there was 100% chance of living and I did not let that stop me. I had true meaning to defy the impossible. 13 years of this state of mind became a lifestyle for me my very own way of life that I used to stay alive my last resort. Knowing if it didn’t work it was over for me putting my last grains of hope and faith into God and this way of mental thinking. Physical ways of action were no option in a hospital bed. Surely enough it worked for me everything I fought for was achieved and kept what more could a cancer patient want out of life.Then I was thrown into the “real world”.

I was happy because I was finally normal. Things were different and as I started to live a normal life I started to feel like all the real world was unnecessary drama and stress because I saw what people were doing and It was all just meaningless but of course they do not know any better. Being in my state of mind and my way thinking outcasted me because people do not understand how well my own way of thinking has done for me. I have been on both sides of the system in my point of view, I have been isolated from the public and I have been in the public. I think people need to develop their own way of thinking because if not who will be the next to change the world and how the world thinks? The most isolated people are the ones who figure it all out without distractions and have clarity for what their purposes is. Being on both sides is rare and it’s not easy but if it was we would all be clear in our paths. Life has a way of making it seem impossible to find our own way of life and that’s why very few people are unaware of the multiple sides of life, the both sides of life.

Strive 

I strive at night because it’s the only time I ever think deeply to myself and because time alone can be very good.

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